When the steps don't matter

I LOVE So You Think You Can Dance! I got hooked the very first season and have never missed since then. I've always loved dancing. I'm not good at it but I love the story that dancing can tell. I get caught up and can feel the emotion behind each dance and am often sad when the show is over. I remember watching my roommates in college or my friends in high school. I loved going! It was like getting caught up in a book and forgetting about my own life for awhile.

So on the final show of SYTYCD, before the winner is announced, Kent did this routine where he said that sometimes the emotion and the experience take over and the steps don't even matter. Have you ever had that kind of writing experience? Where the story takes over and the word count or sentence structure or best verbs don't matter anymore. Where the words simply fill the page effortlessly because the story is flowing out. Those moments where the emotion is stronger than the skill.

I really like those moments. I must admit they don't happen to me often enough. Not as much as I'd like. But that's probably because I haven't been able to put as much time into writing as I need to. So that's my new goal - to get myself back to the place where the story takes over. I want more, I need more of those experiences.

If I can experience them when I read a book, why not when I write?

Checking Back In

It's been awhile. Until this past week I had no idea that I was sick and slowly getting more sick. Then everything came crashing down. Now I'm forced to take it easy and get better, which has been very eye opening. I had no idea how in survival mode I was. I have fallen behind on everything, especially the things I enjoy doing the most. I am months behind in all my blogs, I haven't cooked in weeks, and I haven't been writing. So not only was I simply going through the motions of life, I spent no time doing what motivates me.

But I'm back!!

And it feels so good. After this post, I'm all caught up on my blogs, I have made tons of notes for a new book I've been dreaming of and I can actually feel my imagination coming back to life.

Yeah for the things that I love!

It's good to be back. It's good to feel alive again.

I'm sure my characters feel the same way.

The best part of all? I have a new love of writing because I know what it's like to be without it. So here's to health and writing and all the things that motivate me in life.

Yep, it's good to be back!

A Guide and a Totem

Today I showed my students a clip from the movie "Brother Bear" where the main character, Kenai, is told that his guide is love and his totem is a bear. Kenai is embarrassed to be a "love bear" and believes the medicine lady was wrong. But as the movie goes on, Kenai learns just how right she was.

Then I went over several different types of guides we can have in our lives. Basically, different types of human characteristics. We talked about how these guides are the basis for how we make decisions and who we become. We discussed that totems represent who we are, but in animal form. I asked my students to pick their guide and totem and write a paragraph on each one. As the room went quiet and their brains started churning, it got my brain going too. I think I have had different guides at different times in my life. My totem has probably changed too. Trials have changed who I am. Graduating college or switching jobs has altered my direction or purpose in life. However, I think I have always had a guide and a totem through out my life. So I decided to do the assignment too. Here is what I came up, quickly, so don't mind the mistakes.

My guide is optimism. I always look for and find the positive in people and situations. I like to believe that things will get better. I dwell on the positive aspects of tough situations to pull me through. I have seen the impact that being positive can have when working with young children.

My totem is a cat. I am loyal to those I choose, I like to be around people when I choose to and I like to be alone quite often. To me cats spend most of their day doing what they choose, I would do that if I could. I tend to think people have mine and other’s interests at heart and am very trusting, just like cats. I am cautious and warm up slowly when I don’t know people or there is a lot of people around.

I decided to blog about this because it helped me clarify myself a little more. I also realized the connection between me and the characters I write about. It's really hard, if not impossible, to truly express your character if you don't know who they really are. What's most important to them or what motivates them. So I'm going to start doing this for all my characters. I think it might help me find their voice sooner.

And of course, I had to include some things my students said. Some are hilarious and other very insightful.

My guide is family. My totem is a bird because they are always together.

My guide is comedy. My totem is a hyena because they are annoying and laugh a lot.

My guide is loyalty. My totem is a dog because I follow commands, I like to run around and play catch.

My guide is wisdom because I always use my brain. My totem is a rabbit because it can escape from predators and so do I (like my mom).

My guide is love. My totem is an eagle because they take good care of their babies and if you don’t bother them they won’t bother you. (This comes from a student with a second grade IQ who was abandoned by his mom at age five.)

My guide is persistence. My totem is a sloth. They are slow but hang on anyways.

My guide is adaptability. My totem is a wolf. I might lose some friends along the way but will gain more friends.

My guide is stubborness. My totem is a horse. If it doesn’t want to do something, it won't and you can't make it. (I laughed SO hard at this one because this student is the most stubborn kid I have ever met.)

What do you think? Do you have a guide and a totem right now in your life?

The Journey Begins

I spent this last week at a writing conference that amazed me. Last time I went, I won a couple of writing competitions, got recommended by my teacher to an editor and felt on top of the world.

This time, none of that happened. Let's just say, I was humbled as a writer. But that's good. I'm not complaining. I learned so much and if anything, it motivated me to improve. In fact, I was thinking over all the suggestions and comments people made about my manuscript and honestly, it can't help but make my novel better. That completely excites me!

So in honor of making changes and learning as a writer, I'm starting this blog. It's going to record where I'm at in my writing and the ups, downs and turn-arounds of me, as a writer. Because I am a writer and this journey is incredible.

During this last week I learned an interesting thing. As most people know, I love being organized! I could organize other people lives for a living and be in heaven. However, this love of organization often stops me from writing or being creative because I have to clean first, or do the dishes, etc. This week though, for the first time in forever, I let it all go. The dishes piled up, papers littered the counter tops, out of place items were not put back in their place - and it was okay. It took me longer to clean the house on Saturday, but I spent all of my free moments this week reading, critiquing and writing. I did not let the mess around me stop me from being a writer and I loved it. So I'm going to set up a schedule for writing and I'm going to stick to it. Dishes and dirt can wait! But these characters screaming to get out of my head can't wait anymore. So let the journey begin!